Your Jokes Steal The Show

The country’s top women stand-ups celebrated International Women’s Day at a comedy gig hosted as part of the Evening Standard’s Comic Relief fund-raising campaign.

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The top 10 gags

1. Winner: Have you heard about the gap year version of Where’s Wally? It’s rubbish — he finds himself. Luke Billingham

2. Why doesn’t Elton John like lettuce? Because he’s a Rocket Man. Emma Cockerton

3. Two wind turbines in a field and one says to the other: “Do you like music?” The other answers: “Yeah, I’m a big metal fan.” Charlie Pope

4. My dog is great at magic tricks. He’s a labracadabrador. Sara Cannon

5. Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other: “Can you smell fish?” Heather Nelson / Susan Harris

6. What did the cannibal get when he was late for lunch? A cold shoulder. Ines Lebaek

7. My friend thinks he’s smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face. Ian Knapman

8. Why did Adele cross the road? To say, hello from the other side. Joanna Govey

9. My late grandparents used to love going to the cinema. Their names were Pearl and Dean, but I called them my Grandma and Grandpa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa PA! Andrew Timms

10. How did the hipster burn his mouth? He sipped his coffee before it was cool! Bethany Webb