The 4 Things Every Son Needs From His Father

Roland Warren, father of two sons and board member of the National Fatherhood Initiative, explains the simple but critical support any dad can give his child.

I am often asked what sons need from their fathers. My answer really boils down to a few simple but critical things that every good dad must do, built on a framework of providing, nurturing and guiding.

“Does my son know that he matters to me?”

We invest—money, time and energy—in the things we care about. In other words, if you ever want to know what someone cares about, look at their bank statement or ask them how they spent their time.

The primary way that dads can help their boys understand that they matter is by making them a priority over the myriad demands that life throws at us. With many things competing for a dad’s money, time and energy—our jobs, technology, entertainment, sports, television—it is easy for a child to think that he doesn’t matter. It is critical that dads make it clear to their sons that they are a priority, that our most important investment is in them and that all the other “stuff” gets only the leftovers.

“Does my son know that I love him?”

Nurturing means a lot of things. It certainly includes hugging and kissing our boys—yes, even boys need hugs and kisses—on a daily basis and telling them that we love them. But it also includes taking care of their daily needs, like cooking for them, giving them baths, playing with them, reading to them and helping their mothers.

“Does my son know that what he does is important to me?”

A son wants to know that the way he is living his life—his interests, schoolwork, hobbies and passions—is pleasing to his father. And, as a good dad, it is critical for a father to guide his son into the right actions and help him live a life centered on serving others.

Show him that everything he does is important to you, and then you can show him what is really important—and he will welcome it.

“Does my son know how proud I am of him?”

This boils down to a son’s innate need to be affirmed by his father. Your affirmation prepares your son to enter the world with the confidence and “emotional armour” that he needs in order not just to survive, but to thrive. A son needs to know that you are pleased with him, not for what he does or does not do, but because of who he is.

What all of these acts of affirmation, big and small, communicate to your son is that you are his advocate and that your love is abiding and unconditional.