Dont Judge…

It’s not what you look at that matters. It’s what you see – Henry David Thoreau

4 Reasons We Judge Others

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We are insecure. This is the main reason we judge. When we are insecure and/or unhappy with who we are, we try to put other people down. Though it doesn’t usually build us up when we put others down, we do it anyway. We want to feel good by making others feel bad.

We are scared. Often, when we’re scared or intimated by other people, we’ll put them down. Coworkers band together and make fun of their boss (see The Office). Two women see a prettier woman as a threat and they make fun of her outfit. When people are scared, they try to feel better by putting others down. We also may fear those who are different from us and may judge them just because they are unlike us.

We are lonely. As I mentioned before, there is a bonding element that goes along with judging others. When you are lonely, you might use judgments to bond with other people, but these bonds are based on negativity. The bonds you have based on judging others are superficial and are not likely to contain true substance.

We are seeking change.When we want our own lives to be different, we are quick to judge the lives of others. For example, if someone wants to be in a committed relationship and his friend gets engaged, he might whisper, “Oh, that girl is so not right for him. I don’t know why they’re getting married.” If we are jealous of others’ changing lives we are likely to make quick judgments.

 5 Things Judgments Do

Hurt other people. This might not always happen. If the person never finds out what you said, you’re in the clear, right? Not necessarily. Things have a way of coming back and hurting people in unexpected ways. Think about what you say. Would you say that to his/her face? If not, it’s probably best left unsaid (and un-thought!).

Make you feel worse about you. When you judge others (or, at least, when I do), you feel bad afterward. You don’t feel good about yourself. You might get a tiny rush from the judgments, but, ultimately, you feel guilty. You think you’re a bad person for casting such harsh judgments on others. You bring yourself down when you bring others down.

Perpetuate stereotypes. The more judgments out there in the world, the more stereotypes get formed and people are trying to live up to (or avoid) the ideas of what they are “supposed” to be. Whether stereotypes are based on race, gender, spirituality, ethnicity, appearance, or any other attribute, they are bad news. They force people (including you!) to feel as if there are standards they must meet instead of living a free, happy life. Don’t be a part of perpetuating stereotypes with your own judgments.

Put negativity into the world. No matter what you way you rationalize your judgments, they are not bringing anything good into the world. They bring others down. They bring you down. They make the world a more unhappy place. Can you imagine if we were all accepting and loving of one another? Can you imagine what the world would be like if we tried to understand other people rather than judging them?

Encourage you to judge yourself. If you’re judging others, you’re probably judging yourself pretty harshly as well. As for me, I know this is the case. For example, I judge what other people wear, and, as a consequence, I’m extremely concerned with what I wear. I spend quite a lot of time on my clothing and appearance and I bet I would do this less if I didn’t judge others so harshly.